so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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