last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so let's talk penis.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
