i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
