Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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