You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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