I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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