He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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