Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
