i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Blow job season was short but glorious.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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