Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
