doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
