You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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