so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
