my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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