Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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