then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
