did you get engaged???
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
