What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
