Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
