ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
