You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i will never coherently bang her
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
