I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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