Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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