I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
