There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
