Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
