In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
