I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
