The maid of honor just puked.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
