So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
