My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
