Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
