i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
