I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
