He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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