I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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