I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
