hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
