I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
