I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Actions speak louder than pants.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
