I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
