i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
