9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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