remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
