You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
