Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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