I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
