Quick, to the slutcave!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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