the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
