The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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