Quick, to the slutcave!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm having to shit out rocks
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