BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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