grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
