i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
