Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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