i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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